I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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