I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize