Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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