I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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