speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
