I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
