My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
