Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
