$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
