I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The best revenge is premature balding
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
