White coat. Heels.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
