I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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