I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
