Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
