we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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