Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
