That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
