My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
