I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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