either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize