i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
