why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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