I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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