This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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