everyone is single if you try hard enough
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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