come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
