he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
