i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
