Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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