Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
