i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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