Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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