i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I supernannyed him into submission
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
