I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
