They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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