You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
