With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
