took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
