If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
