She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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