so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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