And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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