remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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