I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
