Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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