After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
