He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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