Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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