We won't sleep together?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
