this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
