Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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