Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
