he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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