Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
