How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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