I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize