I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
