He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
