i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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