Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
