and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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