dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
