Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
