i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
