Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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