We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
