you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
