My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
