So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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