we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
