you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
