Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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