That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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