while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
