Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize