I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
