i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
